I have been ridiculously busy getting settled and everything. It has been both a difficult and awesome month for me.
I went to the same grade school for 12 years, so I was never really “the new kid.” I’m so accustomed to being known by everybody, so to come here and be known by nobody is a really big shocker. It is definitely taking some getting used to. For the first time, I understand what it means to be the new kid lost in a sea of people with no friends. I still have a solid amount of close relationships with people back home that I call every single night, but it’s not the same as having someone who is geographically close to you. Someone who you can call up at all hours of the day and ask to chill.
My roommates are all close friends from a small town, so I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get close with them. However, we are all really bonding! I’m getting closer and closer to them each day. Not having a close friend is making me desperate for social interaction. Back at home, I had my sister to talk to 24/7. So the thirst is really real. But at the same time, when people do talk to me, I feel like I’m putting on a show for them. I’ve slowly developed a fear of getting close to people because from my experience, I always end up getting hurt. My sensitivity is really putting my social life in jeopardy.
I also feel slightly restricted because I don’t have a car, so I have to take a bus everywhere. That in turn makes me feel too lazy to go out and do something. However, I have set aside some concerts. On September 14, I’m going to see Lily Allen and Mr. Little Jeans at Stubb’s! Then, I’m going to Austin City Limits everyday for both weekends for free! (I was selected to be a volunteer.) So, I do have some exciting things in store, but I don’t really have someone to do them with, if that makes sense.
So far, I love the University of Texas. I really feel like I belong here for some reason. It’s one of the top schools in the nation, so I already expected the classes to be pretty rigorous. A lot of students here seem to have an inflated sense of pride. Sort of like, Yup, that’s right. I go to UT. And you don’t. Ha! It didn’t really hit me until my Chemistry professor (who looks like Santa Claus), said that we should be HAPPY to be here. He said that so many people come to him complaining that they can’t get into UT, so the fact that we got in means that we’ve got something going for us. On some level, we are interesting, diverse, and intellectually capable.
I feel like I’m too stressed out to be having fun, if that makes sense. I need to get my life together and stop stressing before i can go out and have fun. But wait, is it the other way around? Do I have the order mixed up? Should I be having fun in order to relieve my stress? I think so.
Today was my 20th birthday, and I’m over-excited about the fact that I’m no longer a teenager. (Also, 365 more days until I can legally drink! But who’s counting, right?!)
I remember reading an interview with Hayden Panettiere in Seventeen magazine back in 2009. I remember the interviewer asking her what it was like to finally be 20. She said that now that she’s 20, people pay more attention to her opinions and take her more seriously. I agree. I got extremely annoyed being labeled as a teenager even though I was clearly and legally an adult. But those days are gone now.
Meanwhile, I’m enjoying articles this one. They make me feel like I’m a step ahead of the pack. (Serena Dyer is an incredible human being, btw.)
Yesterday afternoon I found a few childcare positions for the UT Austin daycare. Even though I have years of experience working with children, those years of experience have taught me that I love children, but I don’t really enjoy “watching” children. It’s draining and routine.